i really can't figure out what's wrong with me

it's easy to blame it on depression

but it's difficult for me to function sometimes

some nights i can't sleep

some nights i can't breathe

tonight nothing makes me happy and everything makes me angry

i can't listen to music because i'm critical of everything
-it's too sappy
-it's too happy
-it's too forced
-too fucking something

i don't know
i can't write

i'm too self-conscious

i spent the first half of my life trying not to be seen
and the rest trying to be heard at every instance
i learned to be quiet and i learned to not feel
and by the time i decided i didn't want that to be me
there wasn't anything left
i can put on a smile and be an asshole when i'm supposed to
but i can't find comfort in being alive when i can't even feel alive when i'm alone
when it is so damn hard to not be alone

i'm stuck with feelings of pretentious preteen emo BULLSHIT
and i can't get it out of my head
and i can't breathe sometimes
and i don't know what to say
or who to talk to
or what drugs to take

i can't seem to be happy without being given bullshit praise
by every fucking person i meet
and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach

but no one wants someone with feelings
at least in my experience
not my feelings anyways

so i listen
because you can't piss someone off if you just shut up and listen
every day
every fucking day.