i spent the first half of my life trying not to be seen
and the rest trying to be heard at every instance
i learned to be quiet and i learned to not feel
and by the time i decided i didn't want that to be me
there wasn't anything left
i can put on a smile and be an asshole when i'm supposed to
but i can't find comfort in being alive when i can't even feel alive when i'm alone
when it is so damn hard to not be alone

i'm stuck with feelings of pretentious preteen emo BULLSHIT
and i can't get it out of my head
and i can't breathe sometimes
and i don't know what to say
or who to talk to
or what drugs to take

i can't seem to be happy without being given bullshit praise
by every fucking person i meet
and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach

but no one wants someone with feelings
at least in my experience
not my feelings anyways

so i listen
because you can't piss someone off if you just shut up and listen
every day
every fucking day.